Naalala ko tuloy ang mga Pinoy movies and telenovela, na may eksena na naaksidente ang mga karakter, at 50-50 ang buhay. Lalapitan nang doktor ang pamilya ng pasyente at sasabihin na “Misis, ang mister nyo po ay 50-50 ang lagay”. At ang usual na reaksyon nang nauukol ay di malaman kung ano ang gagawin. Pero ang totoo nun, sa realidad, di mo talaga maiisip kung ano ang magiging reaksyon mo sa sinabi sa iyo. Di mo alam kung aasa ka pa o tatanggapin na lang kung ano man ang kahihinatnan ng sitwasyon.

Ganyan din ang nangyari sa akin kanikanina lang. After noong nangyari nung Sabado sa pagitan naming dalawa ni Katie, nalaman ko din ang dahilan kung bakit ako nag antay sa labas ng 4 na oras at wala din naman palang pinuntahan ang aking pag aantay.

I finally got the chance to talk to Katie this morning, since I saw her online. I never wasted any time and I immediately messaged her. I asked kung ano ba talaga nangyari last Saturday. Of course, the usual, di kaagad nagrereply. I was already my name was blocked already sa skype nya. But then, nagreply din. She said that she LOST her cellphone that day. I said that I waited for her for 4 hours. She said sorry, but I said I cannot accept her sorry for what she did was unforgivable unless, I said that she work out something so that I could forgive her. So she said she wants to meet me so that we could talk. Negotiations went underway since the scars of the past week is still in me until we agreed where and what time to meet. Starbucks raw sa Taipei Main Station at 2.30 p.m.

So I  went. Of course, I am early again, about 10 minutes early. But anyway, she came on time. So she ordered her coffee first, which of course me, I can’t since I am was never a big fan of Starbucks. Then we talked. Pambungad ko agad is “please explain what happened last Saturday” and she said na “I lost my cellphone”. I don’t know if I am going to believe her or not. But then, as we talked further, it came to the point that she said “let’s just be friends” which I countered “why? is that what you want? I don’t want to because I do love you”. But she said, “It’s because we’re not suited for each other”. I was silent for a moment. Thought that for a moment and then I said to her: “It’s just you don’t understand me a little bit more and be a bit sensitive to me.” Sabi nya, “But I don’t want to change, why, do you want to change?” I said “change is good one way or the other”.

“I have also a complain to you” she said. ”What is it?” I asked. ”You always complain” she blurted out. “I do complain because I do not want such situations that could hurt me, that’s why I complain”, I said. Then the couple stuff finally came out.  She said to me “you never gave me what I want”. I was expecting this so I said, “I promised you to give what you want when time comes, it’s not easy to give what you want, its not just with a flick of my fingers its there”. A bit long silence came after that. Then I said to her, on May, I am planning to give you what you want. No response. I continued, “we should spend more time together”. “But we don’t have time for each other, I am going for a business trip for two months”. “Where?” I asked. “Canada” she replied. Then I asked when will she be leaving. April 9. Then she stood up, leaving, I followed. While walking, I asked her, “Is this a breakup already”? Her reply was: “I don’t know, its up to you”. End of story. That was the last moment I saw her, walking towards the entrance of the train station.

What was discussed between us, honestly, it hurts. Knowing that she’ll be leaving for two months totally hurts. And the problem that I am facing now is whether to quit or not to. I know for myself that I do my best before quitting or giving up. I don’t give up easily on one thing, especially if I really know there’s still I can do. But now, I only know 50-50 of things which makes me more confused. I don’t know whether to give it up and cut it all the way or stay. 

The first situation is, I won’t give up, give her what she wants sooner as long as my financial capability allows me so, and do such thing before she leaves. The second situation is, see her before she goes to Canada, spend time with her and promise her that when she comes back, the couple stuff she wants will be there, waiting for her. The downside of the two situations is, what if she comes back here, and then she doesn’t recognize our relationship anymore. This downside of things makes the second one too risky. I don’t want to waste such amount of fortune when in the end it goes down to nothing.

To wrap it up, with all the things that happened in here, I only ended up in pain and now I am broken. I already broke because of the several things that has happened to me since I met her. But, I didn’t give up easily since I was hoping, up until now, somewhere or somehow, there are still positive things that could happen. Even if I have to feel pain through all this but knowing everything will turn out well, I am willing to do it. But the problem now is, things are in a 50-50 situation. Confusing for me on what should I do now. Eto ang drawback ng isang sigurista.

So, kayo na mambabasa ko, ano ang maipapayo nyo? I need your advice on this one for really, I am confused.